Monday, March 21, 2005

The Future's Bright!

Boy those Orange Film Commission advertisements that they have in the Odeon cinemas are hilarious aren’t they? You know the ones I mean. Some famous person is pitching an idea for a movie to the Orange funding board and then the board start going all “Hey let’s put loads of mobile phones into the movie and make it all about mobile phones” and the famous guy is like “No but wait this film is all about something else entirely” but the board don’t listen and the famous guy walks away in a huff and the board are all making wise-cracks about the famous guy’s movies to his back.

This is a great message because although the funding board are only doing their job trying to put as many mobile phones as possible into every film they still respect the art of films enough to ridicule the people who make them. But what I also like is how true these advertisements are because they show how movies will be in the future. In fact now that I think of it for more than 30 seconds they show how movies are made even today!

Alan Cumming running into a tree is FUNNY

You might be thinking “Oh those crazy Orange Film Commission guys and their mobile-phone-centric ways!” but I assure this is exactly how movies are made. Although these commercials are hilarious they are also no joke! Not only can you not watch a movie these days without a mobile phone ringing somewhere in the audience you also can’t avoid an extreme lingering close-up of a Nokia mobile phone logo on the screen every 12 minutes. I imagine that these board meetings are exactly accurate or at the very least the script is sent back to the writer with a big note on it saying “NEEDS MORE MOBILE PHONES”.

Even when a scene does not call for a mobile phone film-makers now have to insert a scene saying why a mobile phone can’t be used because everybody in the audience is saying something like “duh why don’t you just use your mobile phone?” so now we see a big close-up of a Nokia mobile phone going “NO SIGNAL” or “DEAD BATTERY” which is funny to me because why would they want to advertise how crappy their mobile phone coverage is or how their batteries have no life especially when you need them the most! “Please buy our Nokia mobile phone and watch it let you down just when a crazy disfigured psycho is trying to kill you!” This is also funny because I believe most people buy mobile phones so they will have them when a crazy disfigured psycho is trying to kill them. And also for text messages.

In conclusion mobile phones in movies are here to stay!

2 Mewling Pricks

At 10:57 pm, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

Snotty...What does Easter hold for you? will you be having any more hate-filled adventures?

 
At 11:45 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

What does Easter hold for me? Why, the joyous knowledge that Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ Amen died for our sins and rose from the dead to ascend into Heaven and sit at the right hand of the Almighty God, of course, only TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO.

And also, more importantly, a couple of extra days where I don't have to scrape myself out of bed for the monotonous drudgery of my pointless, shitbox job surrounded by gurning, semi-functional fuckin retards.

And, I dunno, chocolate and shit. Who cares? Fuck off.

 

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