Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Community service announcement

Some morons have just destroyed 5 newly planted saplings around the corner from my home for no apparent reason. I mean, what reason could there be? I know who's responsible, not the individuals of course, but I know that they are part of a larger body, a single organism which feeds on the whole country. Its called "the scumbag" where I live, but you all have your own word for it. Its manifestation is less diverse however. Its incarnations appear to be human, 15 - 18 years old, shaven headed or baseball capped, they wear sportsgear, and travel by scooter.

What's going to become of these creatures in years to come? Maybe they'll grow up to become well adjusted adults who respect their neighbours and locality meanwhile passing onto their own offspring the wisdom gained from their own mistakes.

Or maybe not, and personally I'm not willing to take the chance. Now I'm not one to identify a problem without suggesting a fix, so here's my solution. Bear with me it’s a bit radical.

I will offer my services to man a 200 foot watchtower overlooking the ghetto in which I live. Just me, a sniper rifle and a bag of ammunition is all that's required and I'll dish out some high velocity justice. Anyone on the streets in a tracksuit and a baseball cap after dark is history.

"Clean-up crew to Tesco car park. 5 useless sacks of shit for burial."

And on top of each anonymous grave, a sapling.