Tuesday, November 22, 2005

DUP: Dangerously Ugly Phuckers

Inspired by the news that the Reverend Dr Evil Ian Paisley's own daughter Rhonda is threatening him with a sexual discrimination suit, I thought I’d take a wee stroll down memory lane and revisit some of the Democratic Unionists Party's finest moments of the last decade or so. You might perceive a lot of gayness in this post, but I want you Freudians in the back to houl' yer wheesht. Remember, these are the creepy God-fearin' weirdos that tried to "Save Ulster From Sodomy" in the eighties, and as everyone knows, you could barely get from your house to the bus stop in Northern Ireland back then without being sodomised at least twice. So come take my hand, and join me on this nostalgic journey of sports massages, biblical smiting and unbelievably ugly cunts.

Say a big gay hello to Ballymena councillor Maurice Mills, who just this month claimed that Hurricane Katrina was sent by God to punish the homosexuals. The hurricane hit two days before the annual Southern Decadence Festival (possibly the G-Man mistakenly consulted a 2003 diary?) then proceeded to completely miss New Orleans' gay district in the French Quarter, famously taking out a shitload of black neighbourhoods instead. If he’s so angry with the gay people, then why is he taking it out on the poor black folk? Maurice? Perhaps you can shed some light on this. "This abominable and filthy practice of sodomy has resulted in the great continent of Africa being riddled with Aids." Ah. Okay. Anything else? "Asia was hit by the tsunami because of the continent's people not being Christian. God had marked their cards." Righto. Uh say, Maurice, how come it looks like you’ve just dipped a thumb in yer arse and smeared shite on your eyebrows?

Well how do you do, Sammy Wilson, ex-Mayor of Belfast? Some of you may have had the misfortune to catch the front page of the Sunday World in about 1996 which gave unfriendly prominence to the glutinous gluteus of the disgusting monster on the left as he frolicked bollock-naked in France with his then girlfriend. You will understand, therefore, my trepidation upon entering the search terms "Sammy Wilson+naked" into Google in order to find news stories mentioning the incident, but as it turns out, the results are quite interesting. Why it almost seems as if people are looking for excuses to horn the word "naked" into any article they write that features our Sammy. For shame!

How's about ye, Arthur Templeton? Arthur became infamous last year after being convicted of the harassment of a gay colleague. Said harassment, in typically classy DUP style, ranged from the simple use of the word "queer", to bending over in front of his victim, patting his arse and saying "Here you are, John". I’m not even fucking kidding. Arthur later claimed to have been bending over to tie his shoelace, and rebuffed his critics with the immortal lines, "It's political correctness gone mad", and "Some of my best friends are gay". We can all be thankful that the only picture I can find of him is that one in the car, for the bloated Jabba the Hutt fizzog behind the wheel demands some kind of protective barrier between us and it, and your computer screen isn’t gonna be enough.

What-ho, Paul Berry? Unfortunately, Paul was but a lad when the Save Ulster From Sodomy posse were out rounding up rump-wranglers, which makes the following story all the more tragic, and by tragic of course I mean knee-slappingly hilarious. Four days before the general elections in May this year, Paul arranged a rendezvous at the Ramada Hotel in Belfast with a male masseur, whom he had met on a gay chat website (and who was, unbeknownst to Paul, an understandably furious gay rights activist). Demonstrating that he had at least some idea of what his political party are supposed to be about (they ain’t just bigots when it comes to homosexuality, no sir!) his first remark to "Gary was reportedly "I hope you’re a Prod". Then he said something about baby oil. The next thing was even better: the last time he had received a massage was in Barbados, he said, by a "wee darky girl". Berry later claimed that the incident was entirely innocent and that he was merely receiving a "sports massage" for an injury. According to "Gary", however, Berry's ailment involved a feature of his anatomy not normally associated with sporting activities outside of horizontal jogging.

And we bring the story full circle by introducing you to the charming Ian Paisley Jr, who looks all set to continue in the Big Man’s footsteps as Bigot-in-Chief, surprise surprise. Hello there, Ian? What’s twisting your melon? "Most people in Northern Ireland find homosexual relationships offensive and indeed obnoxious and I say that from the position of research I have done." (Uh, "research", eh? That's cool. Now why didn’t Paul Berry think of that? "Sports massage", indeed.) I guess it would be kind of a funny coincidence if all of this actually meant that the DUP were closet cases, because from the research I’ve done I can say that most people in Northern Ireland find the DUP offensive and indeed obnoxious as well.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen: the DUP. What a shower of absolute cunts.

21 Mewling Pricks

At 9:26 pm, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

When you referred to "the Reverend Dr Evil Ian Paisley", I assume you mean the leader of a democratic political party that has always been staunchly peaceful and was elected to government by a majority of the population in an open and fair election - well, 'open and fair' in those areas not under the control of Sinn Fean, that is.

At 12:18 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Holy cunting pisschrist, Duff, is your contrarian urge so powerful that you'll resort to use the words "staunchly peaceful" in the proximity of Big Ian? The same Big Ian who marched through the streets of my home town in the 70s at the head of a battalion of balaclava-sporting paramilitaries? Fucking hell, man. I've done a fair bit of trolling in my time, too, but this is fucking beyond stirring shit up. "Staunchly peaceful"! You're a motherfucking riot!

Oh, and it's "Sinn Féin", by the way.

At 1:22 am, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

The longer Duff hangs around on a blog, the nastier and nastier he gets.

Just search for what he said on Pootergeek's site. He really can't help himself. I blame the booze.

At 9:10 am, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

REALLY! HOW AWFUL! He and his followers marched down your street! Gosh, how many did they kill? Were there lots of bodies, and body parts and wounded and blood and broken glass to match the broken lives?

OH! None of that then. You mean they just excercised their right to free assembly, like CND or the 'Stoppers' over here? And they didn't actually blow anyone up like the 'Sinners' do so regularly. And exactly which paramilitary bunch of murderous thugs and criminals does Paisley belong to, exactly? As compared, say, to the saintly leadership of the Holy Roman Sinn Fein? (Incidentally, I thought you were opposed to 'creationists'?)

And I'm not 'trolling', I'm just curious.

At 10:55 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

This is off-the-scale ignorance, Double-D.

They were terrorists, man. Terrorists. I can't believe you missed that part. How many did they kill? That day? Maybe none, I don't know. But over the last thirty years? Hundreds, 'David'. And they maimed and butchered many more, ruined thousands of lives. Many of them are still at it.

So he marched don the street with his followers, sure. When you put it like that, what's the big deal? But you conveniently overlook the fact that those "followers" were known members of an illegal terrorist organisation. They were masked thugs and murderers. Ian Paisley is a poisonous bigot. And you are a fucking cunt.

And can you find, anywhere on these pages, any sign of affection for Sinn Féin? You fucking can't and you know it. You might want to rethink that "creationists" bit, though.

I can tolerate a harmless back and forth with a doddering old fart about some bullshit mousetrap argument, but this is some fucking ugly shit right here. Imagine that Gerry Adams and the masked and (hardly) anonymous killers of the IRA marched triumphantly through the streets of sleepy Dorset, Duff. Would you be supportive of their right of assembly provided there weren't any "bodies, and body parts and wounded and blood and broken glass"?

Fuck you, David.

At 12:22 pm, Anonymous lenin ejaculated...

There's no controversy at all about this: Ian Paisley has a long history of associating with and cultivating violent individuals. His ideology is one that is violently anti-Catholic, not to mention anti-Semitic, homophobic, racist etc etc.

Several founding members and early leaders of the Ulster Defense Association were close confidants and workers for Paisley. Between 1971 and 1976 alone, the UDA [Ulster Defense Association] and its cover organizations murdered 600 Catholics. Freddie Parkinson, a leader of the UDA, stated in 1984, that Paisley was "a tarantula who spreads the venom of further conflict and has been a major contributor to our prolonged tragedy."

John McKeague, another disciple of Free Presbyterianism, founded the Red Hand Commandos, who used to get their arms from apartheid South Africa. Billy Mitchell, a gunman for the Ulster Volunteer Force, was a Sunday school teacher for the Free Presbyterian church.

Paisley's most trusted aide in London is Rev. Brian Green, a man with close links to the National Front, a Nazi organization.

Billy and Gusty Spence, founders of the UVF, and Ken Gibson, Tommy Heron and Davey Payne, leaders of the UDA, served as organizers at Paisley's rallies. In 1969, bombings around the North that were falsely attributed to the IRA turned out to be the work of Free Presbyterians. Paisley's bodyguard, Sammy Stevenson turned in evidence admitting he and Tommy McDowell, another Free Presbyterian, conspired to set off the bombs in loyalist districts in order to further incite the loyalist community.

Duffer's implication that 'Sinn Fean' (sic) rig elections is doubly unfortunate for him, since a) he's lying, and b) he knows on what side the gerrymandering has been on in Northern Ireland.

At 1:08 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Cheers for that, Lenin.

And Dave, I don't mind if you are genuinely just curious, but if in future you could go about being curious without the snide an childish sarcasm that belittles the deaths and misery of thousands of my fellow countrymen that would be just fucking super.

At 5:31 pm, Blogger Hugs O'Toole ejaculated...

Yeah David, ya fuckin shufflebunny

At 11:34 pm, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

As that great defender of free speech, 'lenin', banned me from his site, I am not too inclined to waste time conversing with him here. However, that long list of assertions, smears by association decorated with totally unconscious irony ("the Red Hand Commandos, who used to get their arms from apartheid South Africa" Shock-Horror - where-as the 'Sinners' got theirs from Gaddaffi) is such a farrago that it cannot pass uncontested. I would venture that there is hardly a man or woman in public life in Ulster who is not connected in some way with men of violence. You, 'Snotty' and 'lenin', have yet to demonstrate that Paisley's links are anywhere near the hands-on, day-to-day, planning and execution of terrorist atrocities that the leadership of the 'Sinners' stands accused.

Finally, I would remind both of you that, er, the people have spoken! Not, I suppose, that that is of much importance to you socialist types who always know better than the rest of us what is best for us.

Incidentally, I should make clear that I have no particular admiration or liking for Paisley who always strikes me as deeply unpleasant and boring. However, as far as I know, he has never ordered or carried out a terrorist atrocity which makes him something of a rarity in your particular blood-stained patch of land.

At 1:04 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Fucking hell, David, you really don’t know when to quit, do you? This is an embarrassing and ugly display.

First off, enough with the boneheaded freedom of speech shit, you crazy egomaniac. There is no conflict between defending free speech and banning your gasbaggery from a blog. Lenin can still support freedom of speech while choosing not to wade through your tedious verbal masturbation in his spare time, just like I can support the BNP’s right of free expression without having to read their leaflets when they post them in my fucking letterbox. You’ll notice I made my point three times in that paragraph to avoid having to repeat it to you later on, so get that piece of shit argument out of here for fuck’s sake, it’s stinking up the place.

Second, nobody here is under any obligation to demonstrate anything whatsoever to you, Duff. This obsession with Sinn Féin and incessant moral relativism is something you brought to the table, not I. In your rush to bash Gerry Adams & co you appear to have assumed that anyone who is not Sinn Féin is some kind of fucking saint. First you claim Paisley is "staunchly peaceful", riding roughshod over the memories of hundreds of murdered civilians in the process, and then when that argument is revealed to be a complete load of vaginal discharge, you try to pretend that you were interested instead in some sort of comparative judgment of levels of wickedness that the rest of us are required to establish. Well you can stick that in yer bollocks, quite frankly.

Third, if you want to wheeze up the "people have spoken" shtick then you’re gonna have to do some demonstrating yourself: show how being democratically elected automatically confers on the elected person the status of "staunchly peaceful". If you can’t do that, you can cram that one in yer cunt and fuck off while yer at it. As a matter of fact, just fuck off.

Fourthly, Paisley is indeed deeply unpleasant but unfortunately he is not boring. He is a blight on humanity, a grotesque bigot, and yes, by the popular understanding of the word, evil. He has contributed nothing positive to the well-being of our "blood-stained patch of land", but has instead spent his tragically long life preaching intolerance and naked hate. But I guess that’s fine with you so long as he isn’t as bad as Sinn Féin.

Ah, but fuck it, sure you could hardly give a fuck either way, eh Dave? Y’know I’d picked up on your anti-Irish sentiments over at your own site before, in your casual use of racial epithets to describe us (for example), but I had afforded you the benefit of the doubt. I thought you were just one of these clueless old incontinent fuckers who thinks that resisting political correctness entails using racist language. But not anymore.

"However, as far as I know, [Paisley] has never ordered or carried out a terrorist atrocity which makes him something of a rarity in your particular blood-stained patch of land"

The vast majority of Northern Irish people are terrorists. Moreover, it is rare, says David, that a Northern Irish person is not responsible for an atrocity.

Let’s have that again, shall we? Let’s make sure I’m not misreading this.

"However, as far as I know, [Paisley] has never ordered or carried out a terrorist atrocity which makes him something of a rarity in your particular blood-stained patch of land"

Nope, the meaning is clear.

David Duff is a racist, and I'm through talking to the cunt.

At 2:28 pm, Blogger Larry Teabag ejaculated...

Wow. Seeing Snotty savage the DUP was entertainment enough for me, but then to witness the e-village idiot David Duff being sodomised to death as well... well it's just too good to be true.

I've heard Dufus on the subject of Ireland before, this time regarding the EU. On that occasion he said:
Ireland, of course, has been ruled by other people for centuries, so I can understand your enthusiasm for being bossed about by foreigners.

At 3:03 pm, Blogger Larry Teabag ejaculated...

Anon - have you got a link to the offending comment(s) on Pootergeek? I'm curious...

At 10:15 am, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...


Because of this:

Can't find the other comment mentioned, it might have been removed. Happy digging!

At 10:47 am, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

I am more than somewhat hung-over this morning, so for a change, I will be brief. Re-reading what I wrote before, I can see why you took a meaning from my words which I absolutely and definitely did NOT mean. Mea culpa, and what I meant was that Paisely "was something of a rarity" 'amongst the *political* classes of Ulster'. My apologies for not being more careful with my words and perhaps it is a warning to me not to blog at 11.30 at night having dropped a slug of cognac in my cocoa!

I love it when you 'Trot-lot' reach for your "racist" epithet, like gunslingers reaching for their colts (or babies reaching for the rubber teats). I use the words 'Mick', 'Taff', 'Jock', 'Yank', 'Frog', 'Kraut' and 'Paki' on a fairly constant basis. In my experience, they have a whole gallery of names by which they refer to Englishmen, and quite right, too. Your ridiculous, cringing servility to what your 'language commissars' tell you is acceptable or unacceptable words merely demonstrates your spinelessness. *You* can heap the vilest, crudest insults on *me*, about which I never complain (except that it makes it very difficult to understand your syntax), but I cannot call you a 'Mick' without you throwing a tantrum! Poor baby! As I once told 'lenin', the 'Micks' I served with in the army were made of sterner stuff.

As for Larry's quote of my words, "Ireland, of course, has been ruled by other people for centuries, so I can understand your enthusiasm for being bossed about by foreigners", I would be happy for him to point out anything exceptional or even incorrect in that statement.

At 12:48 pm, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

"I can see why you took a meaning from my words which I absolutely and definitely did NOT mean."

Oh! Another misunderstanding.

Funny how that always happens.

At 1:03 pm, Blogger Kim Partners ejaculated...

From the link supplied by Anonymous, above:

"it is well-known that the Irish are really part of Britain, a fact that constantly and stubbornly evades them, and which can only increase suspicions concerning their general level of intelligence" - David Duff

At 12:13 am, Blogger Larry Teabag ejaculated...

Thanks anon. Since this post was initially about homophobic rather than racist bigotry, it might be worth also flagging this up:

"As for Hak Mao...despite her peculiar politics, and her unfortunate sexual preference for women...I will still welcome her to these shores." - David Duff

Gosh David, that you mean you don't want to expel her from Britain even though she's a LESBIAN. What a gent you are.

As for the accusation of racism, it's well supported by your own ("misunderstood") words alleging that everyone from the island of Ireland is a stupid terrorist. Your usage of terms like "mick" provide no more than secondary, supporting evidence.

Also "I never complain" is a lie Duff. You're constantly banging on on your blog about the supposedly terrible things which "Trot-lotters" have said to you.

At 9:00 am, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

Larry runs true to form in being either mischievous or malicious or both. Were he to quote the full paragraph from which he took my remarks concerning Hak Mao, a blogger I respect enormously and, I suspect, a woman I would like were I ever to meet her, you would see that the entire thing was irony. It seems to be the habit in 'Blogdom' to put little smiley faces after irony on the grounds that readers are too stupid to recognise it when they read it. Larry is obviously the proof of its necessity but I like to believe, or hope, that the majority of my readers are intelligent enough to pick it up when I use it.

The only time I complain about 'Trot-lot' sites in when, like the spiteful, thuggish 'lenin' and his ghastly 'Lady MacBeth' consort, BionOc', they ban me on spurious grounds.

Incidentally, I trust our host on this site will not mind if I mention that I intend to post over at my place later on today on the subject of racism. Feel free to come on over and beat me up there, because I get the distinct feeling that I am trying 'Snotty's' patience to the limit. (See, I can take a subtle hint!)

At 12:06 pm, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

Wow, Another misunderstanding - it was irony this time!

The number of times Duff lets something slip, then accuses people of mis-interpreting it when he's made a fool of himself leads me to believe he's trying to get that particular form of weaseling named after him.

At 1:30 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

That's not a bad theory. It's an awful pity Scott Adams beat him to it, in that case.

At 1:13 pm, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

David Duff
Does not like muff
Not the munchers
nor the owners
nor the boners
But that´s tuff


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