Friday, February 18, 2005

5-7-5

I’ve written a poem. A haiku actually. I was told it would be calming and, fucking, fucking, cathartic or some such. Girl told me this while I wailed at her in a bar the other evening about the tube and my frequent brushes with mania.

London Underground
By Snotty Mc Shot

Too upset to write
Fucking infuriating
Underground fuck wits


This haiku can be amended

Ryanair
By Snotty McShot

Too upset to write
Fucking infuriating
Ryanair fuck wits


Commuters
By Snotty McShot

Too upset to write
Fucking infuriating
Commuter fuck wits


But it’s not helping. This morning a woman walked so slowly ahead of me up a set of stairs that I had to pause on each step like a lame child. I chanted my commuter haiku like a Buddhist mantra and closed my eyes at every pause. But it’s more a rallying cry for my frustration and pent-up rage to explode into a punch to the back of her flabby thighs. At "fuck wits" I saw myself each time throwing a right cross to her kidneys, tears of frustration spraying from my red eyes. Please! Please fucking move! Please! I chanted the haiku 12 times. Once for each step. At the top I realised I wasn’t breathing.

The lady arrived at the ticket gate in front of me, and searched in her bag for her ticket. My chin twitched.

7 Mewling Pricks

At 3:56 pm, Blogger C~ ejaculated...

Sorry for posting again: but whenever someone walks really slowly in front of me, I get frustrated too, and debate screaming "move it old lady" before pushing her down the stairs. Some kind of early social conditioning must keep these feelings inside.

 
At 6:14 pm, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

Yeah, damn that social conditioning. Imagine, without it, there'd be a lot fewer slow-ass morons and a lot more chilled out people.

 
At 10:11 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

It's not social conditioning that keeps the feelings inside, it's the love of Jesus Christ Our Lord and Saviour. Amen.

 
At 9:39 pm, Blogger SWF ejaculated...

I am soooo glad to read this. I feel the same way when turtles who have been reincarnated as people walk in front of me. 10 minutes later I have an overwhelming guilt because I really think those slow pokes need to learn how to move.

 
At 1:11 am, Anonymous UndergroundFan9834102 ejaculated...

Haiku's are so cool. They are like the best poetry, especially when they make fun of slow people. People walk slowly, probably just to piss me off. I mean, if they're lost in thought, or maybe concerned about having lost their job, they should go to an airport bar and drink their sorrows away. Not stand and waste my time on the subway. Fucking assholes!!! I am so goddamn smart.

 
At 1:13 am, Anonymous CreedFan59712 ejaculated...

I am so glad I have Jesus to keep my feelings inside. Otherwise, I might right them on a blog and let the world know just how I feel about cheddar. Jesus helps me to only talk to my friends about important things, like airport bars and how much I hate Creed. God that band sucks.

 
At 1:14 am, Anonymous Serious Motherfucker ejaculated...

You know what's never funny. People's original intentions. Like this haiku for instance. Originally, it was conceived in someone's inability to wait three seconds to move from one place to another, but like now it's serious, because this a HUGE social problem.

 

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