Where I Discover the Reason Ireland was Colonised

For its own good.

Because it is full of the most pig ignorant toilet ugly arse legends ever to have disgraced the planet.

If I am a racist so be it. Fuck it I'm also a self loather as I am, as it happens, unfortunately Irish and semi-responsible for this mess. I've returned to Ireland after a number of years away on Department business and discovered the terrible and irreversible source of my being.

"Is thash righsh is ish?"

YES! Yes it is you fucking embarrassment of a smell!

"Did you knooh...there's a pub faar evereh ate hoondret peepil in Gaalweh?"

YES, yes I did, and a fuckin chemist for every 2 of you fuckers, you bunch of hypochondriac cunts. There's no cure for Irishness, by the way. No matter how many Disprin you swallow. Shite face.

God help me.

One more year and I can return to the Department offices and go back to hating others. Right now, I am my nightmares. I am the enemy. I am Irish.