Monday, February 28, 2005

Sick Shit

Whao. I'd better catch us before we slip off down the spiral of the unprovable, unsinkable, un-fucking-believable mystery of Jaysus. Come back in a while Christ-men, perhaps you'll be ready to deal with the things that really matter. Like TV ads for instance.

We get this ad where this suit is laid low with a surfeit of nasal mozzarella. We see him manage to drag himself out of bed to clinch a business deal (apparently by merely sending an email) while cradling a mug of delicious revitalising Lemsip. So anyway, he goes to work the next day where he meets some sneering twat who gives him abuse about being out and thereby fucking up the whole arrangement. So our hero whips out his trusty packet of miracle medicine (which he now apparently carries everywhere) and smugly tells us that working while sick sorts the men from the boys.

Well I'm not sure I have the capacity to describe in full why I hate that ad, but when I think about it I get a pain in my chest from bile pressure, so I'd better try.

I suppose I could sum my position here as follows: When you're sick, do yourself and the rest of us a favour by staying at home. Daily I am confronted by these coughing invalids. I hear them spluttering all round me.
"Why don't you take the day off? You're clearly not well."
"Oh, I can't. I've *cough* too much to do *sniff*."
These are the subway mucus flingers, on their way to spread their malaise at the office as if it wasn't a horrible enough place to spend the day.

A couple of things trouble me about this ad, firstly the suggestion that you can work on through illness with a quick dose of their chemistry but more obnoxious is the subtext indicating that illness is a black mark on your performance report and your employer and colleagues will shaft you in your absence. Perhaps in future they'll have an ad where your mates come round to shag your woman of an evening because you're clearly too sick to do it yourself.

So if you're reading this at work and are sick. Then piss off home and don't come back till you feel better, not forgetting to throw some phlegm in the direction your Nazi boss on the way out.