Tuesday, March 01, 2005

The Man Comes Around

Some of you may have noticed that this site has taken a fat one in the rectum of late, with all sorts of crazy shenanigans going on in the comments sections. You may even think these comments are quite flattering, but I warn you: do not be fooled. True, they all appear to say that I am very cool and funny, but closer examination reveals that what they are really saying is that I am neither cool nor funny. This is a message so chilling it is worth saying literally dozens of times under as many disturbing pseudonyms as possible.

And so I have to admit it: I screwed up. I shouldn’t have messed with Matt Lind, because he turned out to be the master of the most vicious attack dogs in cyberspace. Ladies and gentlemen, I have a newsflash for you: do not fool around with Matt Lind! Especially not if you don’t like people to leave loads of comments all over your blog.

But before anyone accuses me of being facetious, I would like to take a moment to extend the olive branch of peace. Matt: you and I, we just got off on the wrong foot. Sure, I called this blog the Department of Hate and I put you on it, but I don’t hate you. No, I just hate how people can take this whole blogging thing so seriously. I hate that the blogosphere has its head so far up its own arse that an admittedly puerile but otherwise harmless comment about wiping turds in my own eyes can result in appeals to deities an invocations of great historical atrocities. But I’m not blaming you for that, Matt, it’s just the culture we created. We are all to blame, and I will take my lumps like a man for this one too. I just took your post as an example of this phenomenon and for that I am sorry.

You’re not so bad, Matt. You’re passionate about what you do, you have a genuine thirst for knowledge and what’s more, you and I have a lot in common. No, really. We’re young, interested in the power of language and the life of the mind and, between you and me, we share more than a few opinions vis-a-vis the current US administration.

Also, you’ve brought my humble little patch of internet quite a bit of traffic over the last few days, from all over the globe. I’d like to thank you for that and, furthermore, I’d like to repay you in kind, if I may. Henceforth, I am linking to your site permanently, in a new section called “Friends of the Department”. I do hope I am not being too presumptuous.

But wait, that’s not all! Taking my queue from the sentiments you expressed in your latest post (with regard to having a sense of humour about oneself) I had the boys over in the Dept of L&U graphics team cook up a little something - my gift to you, absolutely free of charge. I would be honoured if you would consider using it as a promo for your own website.

Oh, but listen to me rambling on. I won’t make you wait any longer. Without further ado, folks, allow me to present my personal tribute to my favourite latin-teaching blogger and new internet friend:

Matt Lind.

No hard feelings, eh?

6 Mewling Pricks

At 4:31 am, Blogger lucretius ejaculated...

In all sincerity, I do agree that we have much in common, and I am glad that I have the chance to apologize for being a prick. As long as by "no hard feelings," you mean there is no lingering animosity between us, then I would tend to agree.

At 8:43 am, Anonymous Slippy D ejaculated...

Leave it alone Snotty. Turn away.

At 12:01 pm, Blogger lucretius ejaculated...

Feel free to get rid of all your namby pamby new graphics whenever the neck you feel. It's your website.

At 12:22 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Oh, I'm gunna. Except I'm very fucking lazy.

At 5:05 am, Anonymous a fish called YOU SUCK! ejaculated...

Snotty you dissapoint me, here I was thinking that you were cool, and funny and you threw it all away on some looser with really bad facial hair. what happened to you man? did those fuckwit god-heads get to you, did they bend your mind with drugs or brainwash you with repetitive chants in the same vein as that Simpsons episode in which the whole town join a cult? You used to be my hero man, now you're just like th rest of them.

At 10:54 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Ah fuck off


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