Thursday, January 05, 2006

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The most unfunny people in the world are.

The most unfunny people in the world are who?

The British!

Ha ha!

You know, for all that the Americans don't get about satire (though some of the best satires I've seen are American), the British have this rotten tendency of lionising shit as being more meaningful than it really is. And without fail they always start with that Herculean humour of theirs that fails to impress most peoples of the world, including those they didn't conquer and suppress for five centuries.

Everywhere I go I hear nerds praising the great British sense of humour (please; and the Nazis were great dancers) and arguing that Spike Milligan and The Young Ones are examples of comedic genius that changed the British psyche and British television. Maybe it changed television, but that doesn't mean that it's genius. That doesn't even mean it's good. Personally, Snotty finds Spike Milligan's jokes obvious, puerile and tired from centuries of being kept awake by dim-witted drunks repeating them loudly at ends of bars.

'Ha, I said a word that sounds like boobs, but I wasn't really talking about boobs. Anyway, here, look at these boobs!'

Cue some naked chick to walk past. It really gets on my tits that this gets passed off as ingenuity, let alone humour.


And The Young Ones? Darling babies of so-called 'edgy' British television?

Honeychile, c'mere. Sit down and tell mama why that's funny. Tell me all about it. I promise mama won't get mad. But that Young Ones be so damn unfunny it liable to shove mama's uterus out 30 year too soon due to mama's dry heaves.

Now ol' Snotty here pays no attention to flags, and Snotty wouldn't be so upset if the British were just a little bit more humble about the depth of their sense of humour. Hell, Snotty wouldn't care so much for British bombast and pomposity if they left it at that. But far too often, Britons like Channel 4 have told Snotty McShot that British comedy is so much more sophisticated than that of the simple Yanks. Oh, those poor, misguided souls. Those simpletons rally behind a moron like George Bush, they invade countries for no reason and they have no sense of humour.

Apart from The Office, Peep Show and anything roughly associated with Chris Morris, what bile can British television cough up that stacks convincingly next to American offerings like Seinfeld, The Simpsons, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Cheers, All In The Family, Family Guy, MASH, early Married With Children, early Saturday Night Live, even I Love Lucy or The Honeymooners and, at times, The Andy Griffith Show?

Red Dwarf? Dad's Army? The Vicar of Dibley? Steptoe and Son? The I-don't-be-leeeeeeve-it guy? That scene where Del Boy falls through the hole in the bar? John Cleese returning a dead parrot or beating his car with a stick? Anything John Cleese has said? I wouldn't even give Father Ted to the isle. Even the Bafta-winning Little Britain is about as humour-inducing as watching Ariel Sharon's pulsing sphincter try to drop a turd onto a glass table.


And it's not just television where the Americans prevail. The celluloid silver screen is Britain's other Yorktown. British cinema's idea of comedy is Hugh Grant- well, Hugh Grant. Or occasionally in film a man will - gasp! - dress like a woman. And they don't even call her Prime Minister. Or Judi Dench.

In fact, yes. I've seen funnier films from Iraqi insurgents than I've seen come out of Great Britain in the last few years. Of course, those films have been largely driven by American creativity in the region.

Still, the point is: Americans are assholes, for sure, and they'll shit all over the world and shit all over you. But when it comes to your TV screens, they rarely shit on the glass.

26 Mewling Pricks

At 7:35 am, Blogger Binty McShae ejaculated...

Hmmmm... you obviously live in the UK where the imported US shows are pretty much okay. Try living in South East Asia where they import all the crap you normally don't see.... so bad it makes local daytime soaps look sophisticated!

 
At 7:41 pm, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

most English 'humour' is shit.

and look what the fuckers did to Dr Who.

bastards.

I hate telly.

 
At 6:38 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Look what they did to Dr. Who? They created it. And it was never funny, ever.

As for South East Asia, Binty, it's certainly a shame the Americans must continue to punish that region. The troops pulled out, and Hollywood rode in. If I had to watch daily repeats of Moesha and Grace Under Fire, I'd be praying for Napalm burns on my eyes.

 
At 9:06 pm, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

I'm sorry to intrude on a conversation that reminds me of the sort of thing I hear constantly in my local saloon bar, but do I detect just a teensy-weensy hint of racism here? I mean, I'm not awfully good at this racism lark, as you all know, but since you gave me such a terrific wigging for my transgressions in the past I thought I ought to raise the subject. Of course, perhaps racism doesn't apply to 'Yanks' and 'Limeys' ... oooops .... sorry .... didn't mean it ....

 
At 2:22 am, Blogger Hugs O'Toole ejaculated...

Fucking hell, Gramps, you took yer time with that one, huh? You might be in danger of losing your title as the most obvious and predictable cunt on the interweb if you don't shape the fuck up.

 
At 10:42 am, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

Golly, gosh! What a very "original" response from dear old "Hugs". My word, you can never tell what he's going to come out with, can you?

 
At 12:36 pm, Blogger Hugs O'Toole ejaculated...

Y'know, I honestly can't tell if that's the real David Duff or the fake one. "Golly, gosh!"?

 
At 4:27 pm, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

Oh yes, that was me, and I think the man on the Clapham omnibus would, on the whole, by and large and taking it in the round, as it were, prefer "golly, gosh" to "the most obvious and predictable cunt on the interweb if you don't shape the fuck up".

Funny, I always thought that Padd..., ooops, I mean Irishmen, were a literary lot, by which I mean that they could construct passionate, witty and meaningful sentences without recourse to the barrack-room but obviously not. I blame that old fraud and phoney, James Joyce. The man couldn't write a decent laundry list!

 
At 8:26 am, Blogger Binty McShae ejaculated...

If you want to look at technicalities 'Yank' is used to describe an American. America is a country. 'American' is used to describe a native of that country and can include various races but is not a race in it's own right. So whilst the term 'Yank' may be vulgar and / or offensive it is, in fact, not racist.

 
At 10:20 am, Blogger Larry Teabag ejaculated...

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Well at least, no, no, yes, yes, no, no, no.

The Young Ones were damn funny. As were Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, and early Red Dwarf, and as weren't the Vicar of Dibley, Del Boy dropping a chandelier, Fr Ted, and later Red Dwarf.

Hugh Grant and Little Britain are both unfunny beyond anything, beyond Auschwitz.

 
At 11:23 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Jesus christ, the fucking chandelier. I rest my case.

 
At 12:08 pm, Blogger Hugs O'Toole ejaculated...

David Duff decries my "recourse to the barrack-room" in using such wildly offensive words such as "cunt" Yaaargh! and "fuck" whaaaooohyaaaa!

At the same time, Duff, at his own site, relies on the barrack-room when attempting to justify his racist language.

"In the British army, the Irish Guards are known universally as 'the Micks'. There is no insult intended or taken"

Once again Duff is the only one unaware of how much of a fuckin (brrrooooaaggghhhhnnnnyaaaay!) fraud he is.

 
At 4:46 pm, Anonymous Stinkpalm ejaculated...

Yeah, I gotta go with Mr Teabag on that one...early red dwarf and the young ones were funny, and they score extra points in my book for not feeling the need to slap a f**kin bass guitar solo over the soundtrack every time some f*cker walks thru a door. Plus, any reasonable comparative discourse on the merits of american vs british cinema comedy that includes 'men dressing up as women' will lead you to two foul and unholy words: 'Mrs' and 'Doubtfire'...

 
At 5:04 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Yeah, thanks for your thoughts there, Stinkpalm. You know, you don't have to self-censor yourself at the Department. Let it all out, man. Get that shit offa your chest.

 
At 5:29 pm, Anonymous Stinkpalm ejaculated...

Ah yeah, force of habit from work PC...either that or I guess I'm a just a motherfucking holy puritan at heart...

 
At 3:26 pm, Anonymous The Real David Duff© ejaculated...

Dear Snotty, it's all very well you having a go at our British boys doing their damnedest in the competitive world of international comedy but where do you come from yourself (no ejaculation jokes please old chap)?

 
At 3:47 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Fuck off Duff, you great big leaky vagina. I don't give a fuck if you're the real one or not, you're still a pain in the hole.

British humour is still bollocks no matter where I'm from. Go on, say something funny.

 
At 3:59 pm, Anonymous The Real David Duff© ejaculated...

Erudition is more my line, old bean. I leave comedy to the comedians. Suggest you do the same.

 
At 4:23 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

You think I find this funny? Think again, pops. I ain't even laughing on the inside.

What is funny, though, is that I was just this moment reading this: "the competition isn't quite clever enough, or witty enough, to match the dizzy heights of my learned prose and effortlessly erudite style!"

Dude has you pegged, dude (less'n you are the dude, in which case it's no great shakes).

Anyway, what was I saying? Uh... oh yeah: FUCK OFF.

 
At 6:00 pm, Anonymous The Real David Duff© ejaculated...

The colon, learned prose indeed! A much underused punctuation mark (though an overused part of your digestive system, dealing as it has to with immense quantity of bile flowing through you).

Methinks I have been double-duded and you are indeed the dude.

I am Spartacus.

 
At 6:37 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

You know, I always suspected you had a fondness for my colon.

Ho ho. There's yer British humour right there.

 
At 9:59 pm, Blogger The Christopher ejaculated...

The British take their comedy way too seriously. God forbid a show runs for more that 12 episodes, just in case they make one that is not quite as funny.

 
At 10:38 pm, Anonymous The Real David Duff© ejaculated...

Snotty, I'd love to irrigate you, now there's a serious offer you don't get every day.

 
At 12:04 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Oo-er matron, etc. David you kinky bitch.

 
At 12:58 am, Blogger HERESTOBEER.COM ejaculated...

in general agreement. but i have to say that BBC's The Mighty Boosh is just dope. top blog haterguy!

 
At 6:33 pm, Blogger Angela Grisdale ejaculated...

Everyone has different opinions of things, something that is totally lame to one person may be awesome to another. Although some places do get the shaft when it comes to certain things, you must look toward the positive side. Look at what may be better for you instead of the negative all of the time.

 

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