Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Hope Still Waits In The Wings

Here is what I propose: there is a "What Every Woman Wants" of hatred.

Woah, hold on there. Get your mouse off that next blog button and give me a moment to explain myself. I don't just mean that I hate Mel Gibson's shitty movies (although you can take that for granted). I mean that there is a state of mind, a supernatural insight perhaps, that allows the habitual hater to see, or at least hear, the true sickening nature of the hatee. Underneath all the vapid bullshit and seemingly innocuous small talk that the average Joe Reasonable wouldn't think twice about, there are motherfucking demons.

Sounds crazy, huh? Maybe. But, as the Soulless Rejects might have it, peep dis:

Tonight, as I journeyed through the dark underbelly of this cursed city, coccooned in a filthy metal phallus... Wait, wait! Okay, so I was on the tube and shit. Two entirely regular looking city gents stood nearby, making polite chit-chat about their crappy new musical purchases. Gent No. 1 was schilling for The Killers (or The Whoever-it-is-these-days) with a spiel that sounded suspiciously like something he'd committed to memory from the blurb on the back of a Daily Mail cover-mounted CD.

"Yeah yeah, they're great, yeah, it's like if Duran Duran went on a massive bender with MC5, yeah...", and OH THANK FUCK for the sorry state of the London Underground, for at this crucial juncture a huge ear-piecing shriek peeled off the tracks and filled the carriage - an ugly noise for sure, but a sound far sweeter to my ears than the tedious jaw-flappery of these two lifeless cuntsocks. It couldn't last, of course, not even on the Northern Line, and as the relatively graceful music of angry grinding iron faded out, the gas-bagging of our two gents wafted inevitably back towards my hapless earholes.

"...slipping on a miserable rotting condom".

What the? Excuse me? Is this it? Have I broken through to the other side or what? Brothers, I believe I have! I believe I am the Keanu Reeves of hatred! I believe that with my new skills I can forge a new life for all of us - a better life where our children shall be free from the tyranny of arseholes, free from the vapours of cockspeak and, most of all, free from hate.

I believe... I... I believe I need some fucking sleep.