To Whom it May Concern:
Folks, I've just discovered that you can download a hate charging dose of anger through the telephone lines. A recent change of address has required me to enter the call centre matrix. I am currently mainlining venomous hatefuel from the scumsucking dogs over at NTL at a rate measurable only in megawatts. The longer I am hooked up, the closer I get to becoming a Marvel super-villain.
"Thank you for continuing to hold, we appreciate your patience." If only they knew.
They tell me they need my cancellation in writing. They don't mean an email, they are talking paper and pens here. Apparently nothing can happen without my original signature, you know, for security. This tech giant, with their call centre out in India, requires me to write them a letter.
You know the longer I ruminate on the various transactions I have with these utility companies the more angry I get. It’s the dishonesty that I hate the most. Why don't they just have the balls to tell me that their service is specifically designed to maximise their profits and that my level of satisfaction is of secondary concern? I would respect that. It would like George Bush telling the world, "Yeah, I'm going over there to oust Saddam so I can control more of the world's resources. Damn straight I want that oil, what are y'all crazy?" It remains despicable I agree, but at least it's honest.