Hot Celebrity Action!

Further to my last post, The Sun has just clarified my point. American minds will put out and accept a substantial amount of drivel. There are, after all, 283 million of them. But I dare you to find a respectable Yankee executive who would "done" give a record deal to or make a biopic of the life of a big bag of tits and sperm like Jordan. She and her paper-cut-anus-with-a-moustache-faced husband would be so far away from a camera and a microphone that 400 million years of glacial movement couldn't level the mountain they'd have to climb to stand in the public eye.

Britons are so desperate for celebrities they'll grab the cock of any horsefucker with a hard-on for fame. And when that Big Brother contestant turns up 20 years later on some web site linked to by Pop Bitch, swallowing a blast of hot come from the phallus of some man-titted ex-con with grey chest hair, I would like to believe the face of every British viewer and celebrity hound is on the front of that groaning head we cannot see, delivering 30 million apologies into the belly of our reality star for ever giving enough of a shit and bringing down the island's collective intelligence quotient. That's my great hope.

UPDATE: Oh great, now I get to re-imagine the above scenario starring George Galloway. Thanks a lot, George.