Monday, July 24, 2006

Drunken Blogging (Remix)

While waiting with great excitement for JOEL F KINNEY to deal most severely with my quivering ass, I decided to fill the ridiculous clown void by paying another visit to Drunken Blogging, home of chubby idiot j0nz and indispensable one-stop shop for those of us who like to know what's going on inside the tiny minds of all the slope-browed bigots that shuffle amongst us.


Unsurprisingly, there ain't much going on at all, if j0nz's latest is anything to go by.

Here, in attempting to deal with the complexities of the conflict in the Middle East, he reveals his method in admirably stark and honest terms: "I've been searching the net for hours for a good comment piece that reflects my feelings (I am woefully inarticulate and lack a public school education!)".

Translated from the arsehole-ese, this means: "Because I am basically a total raging moron, I have been hitting Google up for thoughts and opinions that I can cut and paste on to my blog as if they were my own". (And no, I've no idea why he thinks that articulacy is dependent on a public school education, either.)

The part about seeking an article that "reflects [his] feelings" is merely a neat update on the old playground ruse that goes "Wow! I was just about to say that myself", and the "feelings" that he's referring to are essentially just his prejudices and bigoted beliefs, although he would no doubt prefer us to believe that he is referring to his carefully considered philosophical musings. Just have another look at his fucking face again, and you should be disabused of that notion pretty goddamn sharpish.

Once he has found a suitable article (in this case, one that attempts to pre-emptively justify further civilian deaths not only in Lebanon, but also in Syria and Iran, through the "attacking targets of strategic value to Hezbollah which are located in non-Hezbollah areas") he then lifts it wholesale, without comment or criticism, and drops it like a hot turd right on the front of his blog. His only contribution is, quite unbelievably, to FUCKING COLOUR IT IN. If he could, he'd probably fill in the enclosed parts of the letters with a chewed up pencil, too, while desperately trying to conceal a spontaneous erection underneath the desk.

It also comes as no surprise that j0nz is so fucking stupid that he even needs his racism explained to him in pictorial form. He points to the following "diagram" in an effort to explain the staggering difference between Israeli and Lebanese casualties:


I'm not going to sit here and explain why this picture fucking sucks a bunch of cocks, but it's probably worth pointing out that it's not much use hiding behind a pram if your opponent is just going to bomb the shit out of everything in site anyway. Indeed, I might humbly suggest that the huge discrepancy in casualties maybe has a little bit more to do with, y'know, massive aerial bombardment by Israel of civilian areas in Lebanon than it has to do with any sneaky cartoon baby buggy hiding techniques. But what the fuck I do I know? Maybe I'll look for some guy on the internet who says something about this and borrow his shit, then you'll be sorry.

It's not all bad news, though. Maybe j0nz isn't such a lost cause after all - I'm thinking that the more altruistic among us might use his obvious preference for pretty pictures to try and communicate with him a little. By way of getting the ball-rolling, I thought I'd remix the right hand side of his picture to more accurately reflect the reality of the current situation.


See, it's all about talking to them on their level. And hey, j0nz? If this approach doesn't work I have a picture of my about-to-be-sued ass that you can print out and kiss.

11 Mewling Pricks

At 4:51 pm, Anonymous A ejaculated...

"See, it's all about talking to them on their level"

Who are you talking to?

An obsession with J0nz. He must be doing something right to merit a second go. One post was something but two is borderin on obsessive, no?

'And no, I've no idea why he thinks that articulacy is dependent on a public school'.

The irony was lost on you. (But your frustrated schoolboy humour prevails...)

Speaking of the honesty in J0nz post, its good to see you take a leaf and note you arent 'going to sit here and explain why this picture fucking sucks a bunch of cocks'.

Phew.

 
At 5:17 pm, Anonymous viaggra ejaculated...

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At 5:18 pm, Anonymous gaypr0n ejaculated...

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At 5:20 pm, Anonymous NoPenis! ejaculated...

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At 7:29 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Hmmm. "gaypr0n", huh?

At least now I know where the "0" in j0nz comes from.

A: "He must be doing something right to merit a second go"

You're correct, he is doing something right. Namely: being a hilarious fucking buffoon. That's the stuff of gold to a site like this. Keep it up, gaypr0n!

 
At 9:35 pm, Anonymous a ejaculated...

"At least now I know where the "0" in j0nz comes from"

Cos dedicating 2 posts to one man isnt gay is it snottymccumshot.

 
At 9:52 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

A: "Cos dedicating 2 posts to one man isnt gay is it"

I don't see what's so gay about it, quite frankly. Unless by "posts" you meant "cocks", maybe. Anyway, I don't give a fuck if you think me or my posts are gay or not, but I do think your valiant defence of gaypr0nz is really quite sweet.

"snottymccumshot"

Oooooh. Get you.

 
At 12:41 am, Blogger Tu s. Tin ejaculated...

I sure these posts you make offend ME more than they do jonz, like I said..he is a friend of mine..one I love! but He doesnt really need me to defend him...your just stupid.

 
At 6:27 am, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

"Maybe I'll look for some guy on the internet who says something about this and borrow his shit, then you'll be sorry."

Now don't let's be too hasty, here, 'Snotty', old chap. Your English syntax is not, how can I put this politely, of the very highest quality, indeed, sometimes the convoluted sexual insertions (is that right?) make your sentences incomprehensible, so borrowing from another might actually be an improvement.

 
At 8:23 am, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

'David': Ah now, that's twice in one day you've called me incomprehensible. Is "incomprehensible" the new "Mick" or something? Anyway, allow me to make myself clear: YOU, 'DAVID DUFF', ARE A TEDIOUS CUNT. And your sentences are too goddamn long, it's like wading through quicksand.

TST: Awwwwww.

 
At 9:07 pm, Anonymous Captain Handspank ejaculated...

Ah for christ sakes snotty, fix them links would you? I've been clicking hopefully on www.lackingpenis.com for ages now and I ain't getting dick...

 

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