Monday, January 16, 2006

Buenos Dias Doritos Amigos!

On behalf of the colorful people of Latin America I would like to say a big muchas gracias to all the fine muchachos at Walkers Crisps!

For years, we have hung our heads in sadness at the stereotypes of our proud (and passionate) people: lazy wetbacks in dirty sombreros, big-butt latin honeys and cute little street urchins were all we ever saw.


But now we have Doritos Latinos! A true reflection of the diversity of Latin American culture and tradition in a foil-fresh bag! Whenever the passionate (and vibrant) people of Latin America miss the Chargrilled BBQ delights of our homeland we can simply rip open a grab bag and savor the flavor of thousands of years of civilisation in corn-snack form!

Surely, there can be no people on this earth that would not wish their culture to be represented by a bag of crisps. We thank you from the bottom of our swarthy hearts for the privilege of being the first, but we are a sharing (and proud) people and we would like to see others recognised in the same way.

We humbly make the following suggestions to add to your esteemed product line:

Walkers Negroes: inspired by the graft and optimism of our colored brothers! Available in Fried Chicken and Cornbread flavors!

Wopsits: Experience the mozzarella burst of our spaghetti-shaped maize snacks - now with extra grease!

Like Doritos Dippas? You'll love Nippas! Try your favorite ethnic snack with our "dericious" sushi flavor condiments!

Can't get enough of Walkers Max? Try our new Walkers Micks! Fight the famine with our famous deep ridge potato crisp! Now in Guinness'n'Shamrock flavor!

Doritos Multi-Paki: choose six great tastes of the east - now available at your corner store!

Please excuse the quality of our suggestions, we are but a humble, yet proud (and also colorful), people. I know you will do better than these. I hope you will take this opportunity to bring the world together in unity through triangle-shaped savoury treats. My fatherless child is weeping tears of joy down his cute little urchin face!

Vaya con Dios!

Juan Diaz

5 Mewling Pricks

At 2:31 am, Blogger lucretius ejaculated...

Wow, what a courageous marketing strategy! Somebody ought to nominate these people for the Nobel Peace Prize.

 
At 7:41 am, Blogger Binty McShae ejaculated...

Nah, nothing new. Walkers have sold French Fries for years. Never made them snail flavour though... missed a trick there!

 
At 2:01 am, Blogger Stalin the Shark ejaculated...

Try our Nuyorkitos - available in bagel, pastrami and kosher dill flavors. Eat them quickly, or they'll yell at you and jostle you out of the way.

:-), StS

 
At 3:25 am, Anonymous Clayton Townley ejaculated...

How's about these'n


Nigger chips
Nigger balls
Nigger niggers
Nig Noggy Nogs
Bigger Nigger Noggy Noggers: Texas Ranch-o Style
Fryin-dyin-whippin-nigg-noggy-noggers

Sheeit!

 
At 10:24 am, Blogger Juan Diaz ejaculated...

Madre Dios, I think you might have nailed it, Clayton.

 

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