Time For Your Two Minute Hate

Wooooooo! OH NO!

OCEANIA IS AT WAR WITH EURASIA. OCEANIA HAS ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR etc.

Of course, as enlightened readers are no doubt aware, the hyped-up scare-fest above is merely cover for the antics of the real villains. You know who I'm talking about:

This Much I Know: Mick Hucknall is the World's Biggest Penis

I am one of the best singer-songwriters this country has produced. Ever. If people don't like me saying that, tough shit. People should deal with facts.

Tom Jones told me only a few singers have got the pipes and he's right. He has. Sinatra did. I have. I can still hit the high notes from when we started in 1985, but I've got the bass now, too.

A mate of mine had this band once, and they were looking for singers. I got to drunkenly interview this one candidate, a real turd. I asked him: "What notes can you hit?" He said: "I can do the high 'galileos' and the low 'galileos'".

I never figured out what the school bullies meant when they called me 'Puppet head'. People are racist about redheads in a way they'd never dare to be about black or Asian people.

Yes, that's right. They can burn 'em, lynch 'em and enslave 'em all they want, but they'd never dare call a black guy a "Puppet head". That's crossing the fucking line.

I've loved being a bachelor. They threw me in the candy store and I ate the lot! If I go out and get drunk and end up in bed with two women what's wrong with that? I had a great time. If they want to tell their story that's their problem. They're the ones who end up looking like cheap whores on the front of a magazine with their tits hanging out.

Naming alleged rapists is appalling. I've been through it. Even if you're found completely innocent it's on the internet for the rest of your life. You're almost guilty by implication.

Tony Blair's a friend. I've said to him, 'You should have waited on Iraq'. He listens.

I want children. I think it'll happen. I've had a bit of a journey in my life and I'd like to think I can pass some good on.

Jesus. What a fucking rapist.