Thursday, March 02, 2006

Bunch of Monkeys

I was just reading the judgment in the Kitzmiller v Dover case. You know the one, the latest in a string of cases going back to 1926 and the Scopes trial representing the ongoing battle between good and evil. Evolution and creationism, or vice versa, depending on your viewpoint.

Easy, there, ya fuckin bible wielding bum smeller, I’m not going to get into it. We’ve done that before. Yes, smelled bums. Suffice it to say that the judgment is well worth a read if only for this cheeky as fuck quote from Judge Jones:

“…ID and teaching about “gaps” and “problems” in evolutionary theory are creationist, religious strategies that evolved from earlier forms of creationism”

What a beautiful man.

Anyway, he goes into a pretty damning case-history of the attempts of the fundamentalists to oust evolution, from banning it being taught in schools to getting equal time for creationism in science lessons, to “creation science” to intelligent design. All of which responses to the ever sophisticated arguments against creationism as a load of hooey. Yes, you heard it, Mr. O'Toole Goes to Washington. HOOEY! Luckily for kids in the US they have the Establishment Clause of the First amendment which pretty much fucks the creationists from the get-go. And the Supreme Court knows it.

Anyway, I thought I wasn’t going to get into it. I’m not. Here’s the point. The big difference between ID and creationism is that ID’s official stance is that they don’t say God is the creator, or intelligent designer. (Intelligent designer? Whoo…I can imagine all the hack comedians and their scrotum jokes already)

So, this begs the question. Who? Or, ok, what?

Two of the alternatives, on record, on fucking court record in the Dover case are: Aliens and, I love this…a time travelling cell biologist.

A time travelling cell biologist. Some ID heads believe that one, or at least suggest it to throw us off their cooky scent.

Let’s consider that and see where it takes us in our understanding of ourselves and the almighty. What they’re suggesting is a time loop of some sort that we’re in. In other words, they go back, we evolve to the stage where time travel is possible, they go back, etc. Thing is…it’s not about, say, the END of the world as we know it, as in Twelve Monkeys, for example, nor about something along the way, like Donnie Darko. It’s about the very beginning. That creates all sorts of logical problems that lead us to only one conclusion if we follow the path that the cell biologist believers advocate.

Time loops require a way in, so what you end up with is something that looks like this:



Or this, if the person goes too far back in time and steps in something:



The process suggested here, however, they think, looks like this:



But in fact, it’s more like this…and clearly nonsense:



So, if we look back to fig 3., the ID futuristic cell biologist proposition, we see that it could not begin in the first place without some bastard setting it up…a creator!

So, either they are full of pure, sweaty shite, or a further designer is required. And if he designed THAT world, the only solution is this:

God’s a dork.