Tuesday, December 12, 2006

A Trip to Work

Beside me: a woman, asleep, mouth open, huge teeth, copy of Lonely Planet Morocco on her lap. Same woman that was on the train home last night, sitting beside me, asleep, mouth open, same book.


Opposite me: young bloke, gangsta, legs as wide as he can get them, backpack on, hand crassly down his grey sweatpants, won't budge an inch for the person that tries to sit down next to him.


On the platform: a guy in a grey and pink scarf huffing because someone's trying to get down the stairs into the crowd. He had trainers that exactly matched his scarf.


There's no hope for anyone.

15 Mewling Pricks

At 11:19 pm, Blogger matt lobster ejaculated...

If he lost the scarf would he ever wear the trainers again?

 
At 10:28 am, Anonymous Duffand nonsense ejaculated...

And how did you look?

No, on second thoughts, don't tell me!

 
At 11:30 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Oh fuck off you mouldy old pisshole.

 
At 11:38 am, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

Oh dear, as bad as that!

Never mind, 'Snotty', a haircut, a good bath and some 'splash-it-on-all-over' Clearasil to help with the acne and you won't know yourself.

http://www.blushingbuyer.co.uk/acatalog/blushingbuyer_co_uk__Clearasil_Range_65.html

 
At 12:09 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Hilarious. Does that shit work on your little liver-spotted phallus, too? I picture yer Memsahib stoically rubbing it into the wrinkly folds of your deceased johnson like she's warming a piece of blu-tac betwixt her thumb and forefinger, her industrial strength marigolds pulled as high up her arms as possible. Eventually, your putty-soft peen vomits a teaspoon full of stale yellow memory in to the palm of her rubber-wrapped hand, like a baby dribbling the morning's Milupa on a patient mother's shoulder.

 
At 12:25 pm, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

Atta' boy, 'Snotty'! Obviously, given your age and general decrepitude, you need those long interludes you take to build up a head of steam. See you in, shall we say, a month or so?

 
At 12:32 pm, Blogger Snotty McShot ejaculated...

Actually, to be honest, what puts me off posting is knowing that when I do I'll end up having a tedious back and forth with you, "Dave", the most ball-bustingly tedious cunt on the world wide web. It's profoundly depressing, Duff; you really suck the joy right out of blogging with these pitifully predictable retorts of yours. You are a crushing bore and a giant pain in the fucking tits. Now, FUCK OFF I SAID.

 
At 8:22 pm, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

No, no, no, 'Snotters' old chap, I know everyone hates a critic but, honestly, your first rant reached the parts other rants don't, it really was 'laugh-out-loud' funny, but this second one, well, 'could do better' sums it up, and as for your pathetic effort over at my place, well really, you let the 'Oirish' side down.

Just take another 6 or 7 weeks off and come back in February refilled with gas.

Oh, by the way, have a good Christmas!

 
At 5:28 pm, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

The trouble with David Duff is...

 
At 6:49 pm, Anonymous Goatboy ejaculated...

Snotty, if it is gonna take you seven weeks to write the next post, could you maybe give Duff a heads up now as to what its about? That should be about long enough for him to come up with some really witty comment?

 
At 12:21 pm, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

sometimes ... you deserve a hug

 
At 7:52 pm, Anonymous David Duff ejaculated...

Wakey-wakey, 'Snotty', nearly time for you try that joined-up writing again. Your audience awaits!

 
At 10:21 am, Blogger Kieran ejaculated...

There's not enough hate in the world.
Give commuters cattle prods. And video cameras.
That's the next Channel 4 project.
I should know, I'm running it.

 
At 12:53 am, Anonymous Anonymous ejaculated...

You can still write.

 
At 9:15 pm, Anonymous sassmouth11 ejaculated...

wow... things are the same across the pond as here. people worldwide are jerks.

 

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