Friday, April 28, 2006

Manifesto Destiny

Seems like every arsehole in the place is writing his own piece of shit manifesto these days, so I made one too.


Sign up in the comments, yiz cunts, otherwise I'll assume that you HATE HORSES.

Monday, April 24, 2006

This Is Pete Doherty


Pete Doherty is poop.

He's a grating, flaking, chafing, stain of cum piss pushing his way through the arse side of the pants that shield society's dicks and assholes.

His music sounds like the grotesque caterwaul of a cauldron of boiling apes.

His hair looks like a regurgitated breakfast of day-old coffee grounds and rope.

His face simpers like ours might had primates evolved into Mongoloids who learned how to snarl and smoke cigarettes.


His sentences pillow fight each other for the crown of most puerile.

This modern troubadour, as he is billed, eats away a little piece of my crotch every time he vomits a lyric. I only hope he lives a long, fruitless life in Cell Block D getting raped through the holes in his arms by murderers and tax evaders, alike, because the moment the drugs liberate us from him, though we will have won the drug war, the victory will be Pyrrhic. We need no more rock martyrs, least of all this dickshit.

Fuck forever? Fuck you, Pete Doherty. You're a big steaming pile.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The Ugliest Blogger on the Internets

Extract from Minutes of Departmental Meeting
19 April 2006


Snotty: Below is a picture of "j0nz", the guy in charge of all the crazy random font sizes at spoof Muslim-baiting website Drunken Blogging. He effortlessly lampoons the current trend in hysterical "Clash of Civilizations" arse-piss with fiendishly economical satire such as this:

"There's a lot of Toonophobia going around in the world at the moment, Toonophobes coming out of the woodwork everywhere. We must combat Toonophobia with all our might." [Emphasis his]




Snotty: Devastating stuff, eh? In three lines he makes you realise the fucking balls-aching stupidity of the entire "terrifying Muslim threat" cock-knockery.
Hugs: Uh, okay sure, but ... but, holy fucking fuck. His face is so big he has two dimples on each cheek.
Snotty: Yeah! And that little mouth with the cheeky little pursed-lipped smile. He looks like someone's just slipped a finger up his arsehole and he realises he’s enjoying it.
Hugs: "Carlsberg don’t do literacy tests, but if they did..."
Snotty: And he misspelled Carlsberg.
Hugs: Yeah, that's what I meant. You know what though? I appreciate that little beard that delineates where his face stops and where the rest of the planet starts. It’s very considerate.
Snotty: Makes him look like a sumo wrestler at a Craig David fan club convention, though.
Hugs: Or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in a Backstreet Boy costume.
Snotty: And who does he think he’s kidding, by the way, wearing that jumper? You wear a jumper with a design like that, you know people are gonna stare at your breasts. He’ll probably complain when somebody does, too. Bloody typical.
Hugs: I don’t know, man. Are you sure this guy is joking?
Snotty: Well, he’s fucking gotta be, right? Anybody that posts the lyrics of The Housemartins’ "Caravan of Love" under the heading "Most Poignant & Moving Song Ever?" is bound to be taking the fucking piss. Aren’t they? Huh?
Hugs: ...
Snotty: Ah shit.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Profit & Loss


Monday, April 03, 2006

The Ideal Citizen Show